When someone you love gets sick, it can be scary.
You wonder if they’ll ever get better, if you’ll ever see them healthy again, and regret not cherishing it when they were healthy.
Maybe you even feel guilty. Guilty for feeling sad and wondering if that’s selfish, or guilty for every negative thing you may have ever thought or said about them.
But the fact is, you couldn’t have known things would ever turn out that way. When you had negative thoughts or didn’t cherish their health when they had it, you didn’t know that some day, something terrible could happen to them. Even if the thought did occur to you, you weren’t worried about it then. When you had these thoughts, they were rational.
It’s okay to feel guilty, sad, scared, or angry about their illness. It’s even okay not to know how to feel. Illness touches the people who are sick and the people who love them in a multitude of different ways. Cry if you need to cry, take time to process it if you need time, feel scared if you need to feel scared.
Things may be the same again some day, and they may not be.
All you can do is cherish the times you did have with them, and trust that there may be a day when you can have more. Let yourself feel the way you need to feel now. No matter how grave and immediate it may seem, there’s a very good chance you will have time.